When they say your children are opposites, boy they aren’t joking! My youngest son Rivaan just turned 1 years old and although he’s my second born, I had a lot of things I needed to learn. Ever since he was a newborn, he’s been very clingy, moody and generally high needs. I’ve put together 6 proven ways to deal with a high needs baby, which will help you manage your time and your child.
I’m a Capricorn and I like to have my affairs in order. I don’t like to leave work piling up or have a miles long to do list waiting for me. So, I had to manage my time effectively. That doesn’t mean that everything around the house needs to be perfect – things will slide and that’s okay. However, finding time for ourselves and the things that need to get done, are important. For tips on how to effectively manage your time, check out my blog post here – 5 time management tips every busy mom needs to know!
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I hope these 6 proven ways to deal with a high needs baby will work for you
1) Take advantage of nap times and help your baby sleep independently
It’s always hard to get time to yourself when your baby is always with you! Rivaan had a need to be held by me at all times. He wouldn’t even stay on his rocker alone for a few minutes. Naps were taken on me. Sleep training usually doesn’t occur until your baby is around 6 months, so dealing with naps when they are younger can free up a lot of time for yourself.
Make use of a baby carrier
At first I would have Rivaan nap in the baby carrier as I did things around the house. This definitely helped and was a life saver! I used the Infantino 4 in 1 baby carrier which can be found at this eBay link if you want to read up on it or make a purchase: https://ebay.us/z509vI
It’s comfortable and most importantly, very secure. I had gone through so many carriers trying to find the one that felt the most stable and had the right fit. This was it. I used it for Jahan (my first born, who is now 4) as well – it’s lasted the test of time. It can be used 4 different ways including forward and rear facing. Carrying Rivaan allowed me to get things done around the house. This carrier was also used on many trips and for outings to give me the opportunity to explore while baby slept!
Wearing baby is useful but doing things like getting the dishes done or using the stove aren’t very practical while wearing your baby. Putting a newborn in a crib or bassinet for their nap can be near impossible. Even if you rock them to sleep, as soon as you place them down, they sense the temperature change and wake up immediately, crying!
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Get creative with nap times
I could pick up on Rivaan’s cues and knew when he was getting tired. He would rub his eyes, get cranky and yawn. A general rule of thumb that worked for me is a nap every 1-2 hours when they are a newborn and every 3 hours or so after 6 months. I would place him on his playmat (on his back) and sit with him rubbing his tummy until he dozed off. The best part, he would be asleep independently on his playmat with no risk of waking up if I left!
Rivaan would associate the bassinet with sleep so normally I couldn’t get him to fall asleep alone in there. However, falling asleep on the playmat, worked. He was comfortable on it, as long as I was right there touching him. Once he fell asleep, it was my time to bolt! I got a quick break to eat, do the dishes and get other tasks around the house done. Or, I would take a short nap too! Some of his naps were short, some were long. No matter what the duration, it was always a welcome break! This strategy was key in helping deal with a high needs baby!
2) Sign up for Mommy/Baby Classes and Get Outdoors
I know it’s hard to take your baby to these classes when they are very young especially if they are moody or colicky. I kept Rivaan at home for the first 3 months because I knew he would just cry through the classes. However, once he hit the 3 month mark, his mood was exactly the same, so it was time to get creative and on with those classes!
Look for classes that will work for your situation
I found the mommy & baby zumba class was a good fit for us as it involved wearing Rivaan in my carrier, which he loved. He basically slept through most of the class. It gave me the opportunity to head out and meet other mom’s and get in some exercise
Take advantage of free or paid programs
There are a variety of classes on offer as well as free programs through the city or at local libraries. Take a look and see what suits you
- In Oakville, there are free drop in classes at the Oakville Parent Child Center, and there are a few locations around the city. There are also paid classes such as mommy baby yoga, zumba, massage etc. available
- Check your local library. Storytime is a family favourite and you can also drop in and visit the baby section where there are toys for the babies to play with. As a bonus, you can meet other mom’s
- Another popular option is swimming. Lessons are available through the city or the YMCA
Get out of the house!
Getting Rivaan out of the house also helped him cope a bit better and adjust as it forced him to be out and about, seeing other babies. Plus, he got into the habit of dealing with being in his carseat alone in the backseat. Sure, he usually cried through the entire 10 minute drive to class. But – after a few weeks he got the point that this wasn’t going to change so he may as well stop!
Getting out of the house to visit friends, family, other mom’s, or just taking him to the mall for a stroll really helped. It immersed him in stuff other than just the house. I felt he needed that break to the regular routine and it helped regulate his mood.
What do we do with everything closed or restricted due to COVID?
With COVID disrupting a lot of our plans on being able to socialize with others and get out to classes – getting out into nature is very important. It builds the same skills for baby as mentioned above. We still need to find the time to get out for walks and drives and explore outdoor spaces while social distancing. Providing your baby the opportunity to explore while showing them new things and places, helps build independence. A more independent baby, means a happier mommy and really helps deal with a high needs baby!
3) Provide your baby with some form of soothing
Rivaan would never accept a pacifier so I had to find another method of soothing him, aside from breastfeeding. Breastfeeding definitely was soothing to him and he would of course get breastfed on demand and as needed. However, it couldn’t be the only method of soothing him as the key is to build independence.
I tried many things to see what would stick – I gave him a variety of different toys, stuffies and pacifiers. What worked was a small bear blankie that he would hold and carry around with him. I bought two of the exact same ones in case 1 got lost. I also slept with the blankie before giving it to Rivaan, so it had my scent on it, which helped soothe him.
4) Find a routine that works for you
Children thrive on routine. Finding the one that works best for you and your child and sticking to it is so important. Of course, life happens and we can’t always stick to the routine, and that is okay! Don’t get too caught up on following a strict routine, or the exact one someone recommends. Each baby is different, and children of different ages will require a different routine. Experiment with what works for you and your baby.
Children will be calmer and more content if they know what to expect during the day. Having consistent nap and meal times as well as a structure to how the day will go, goes a long way in helping your child with their temperament.
5) Tag team with your spouse
Tag teaming with your spouse and working as a team to get things done around the house can help immensely.
- For us, normally one of us would be with both the kids while the other ran the errands or got the cooking and cleaning done
- If you have more than 1 child, sometimes it makes sense for each parent to take 1 of the kids. This tactic worked especially well for us as it allowed for one on one time with each child. Focusing 100% on each of them also helped keep the mischievous behaviour at bay, as they felt they had our complete attention. If you do this, make sure to switch up which spouse has each child on different days
6) Don’t be hard on yourself and make it a priority to find ‘me time’
When all is said and done, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you won’t be much help to your baby. We will always put our kids needs first, it’s human nature. However, the more stressed out you are, the easier you will become agitated with your baby, rather than a calming presence
Take advantage of nap times
Nap when your baby naps. If naps are longer, you can nap for half of it and spend the other half tackling your to-do list if your preference is to get some tasks done
Schedule time for yourself
Make sure you do this everyday. This can be once baby is down for the night, or, after work when your spouse is home and you can manage to slip away for a bit. Really, anytime when you can take some time away works! It doesn’t need to be long, but this time is needed to take a mental break and relax.
Do what makes you happy, whatever that may be. For me, it’s going for a short drive, getting some fresh air and sitting outside, making a tea and drinking it in a cozy, quiet spot or reading a few pages of a book. I make sure to schedule this in daily and let my husband know and make sure it absolutely happens!
Let the little things go
No one is perfect and things will slide. That’s okay. You are a mom and you are taking care of a little human. Their needs will always be more important than little things that may need to get done around the house. Appreciate yourself for nurturing and caring for your child.
Take care of yourself – the happier and calmer you are, the calmer you will be as a parent. You will have less outbursts and that in turn will help in setting a good example for your children and help them gain proper life skills,
Implementing these 6 proven ways to deal with a high needs baby, will help build your baby’s independence while freeing up some of your time.
Do you have questions on breastfeeding or formula feeding? Check out my blog post here for everything you need to know along with tips on pumping and weaning!
If you have tough willed children, please check out my blog post here.
How have you managed high maintenance children? Let me know in the comments below!